02 Mar

Shaky foot Wisdom XXVII. 

Never Was a Fan of Rollercoasters 

March 2, 2021

I never imagined myself strapped in, letting go of the restraint bar, hands way up in the air as I let loose a jubilant scream, as the rollercoaster leaned into a ninety-degree vertical drop in all of three seconds. 

Yet here I am smack dab in the midst of the Parkinson’s rollercoaster, no restraint bar to even let go of, no desire to throw my hands up in the air with a jubilant scream, just this sitting here in the juxtaposed land of depressed mood and gratitude for being alive, for even the ability to ride the rails of my feelings, thankful that foot and leg tremors are mostly calmed.

 I guess it is in the murky waters of non-movement symptoms that I dwell as I will my psyche, soul and body to get up, to move, to do something with the too oft response of not now, perhaps later when an elusive motivation returns to do something, anything other than sit.

 I am grateful too for the placement of fingers atop the keyboard, for I now recognize even in this small step is a still whispered voice urging me on to further action.  Perhaps even going for a walk or doing a YouTube Parkinson’s exercise session. 

My old mindfulness friend, acceptance, taps me on the shoulder and this time I do not jump back but rather pay deeper attention and remember to breathe into my accepting anew ‘the what is’.  ‘The what is’ of my condition, if you will.  That must be what is behind those people on the rollercoaster letting loose of the restraint bar, throwing their hands way up into the air and letting loose a jubilant scream.  It is not that they have no fear, just that they are accepting what is in the moment. 

My mantra for each day begins anew, I accept ‘the what is’.

* The email will not be published on the website.